RebirthJan 02, 2021
Every year when I’m writing the devotional for the Daniel Fast I always think to myself, “if this can just help one person, it will all be worth it.” Then every year as I’m walking through the devotional with the community, I realize that God was not only speaking directly through me but also to me.
I am the one person that needed to hear the messages each and every day.
Yet although He used me as a vessel through which His words were shared to the 900+ that joined us this year, the words are very personal for every single one of us.
They resonate differently for each of us. Reverberating to the tune of exactly what, how and why we need to hear them.
That is the beauty of the Divine.
He can use you in service to others in a way that only He can. And then use that same service to bring you unspeakable joy. And peace. And purpose.
During last year’s fast I had some startling and life changing realizations that led me on a path to self discovery like never before. I forced myself to face some hard truths about my life that I had subconsciously been running from for 30+ years. I began asking all the tough questions.
Why have you created all these storms in your life?
Where do these feelings of unworthiness stem from?
Why don’t you love yourself the way that you should?
Each question was like peeling the dead skin off of a wound. So painful it seemed counterproductive. But those layers of unhealed trauma needed to be peeled back so God could heal the wound properly.
I was able to realize that the lack of self love was rooted all the way back to the childhood trauma of my biological father abandoning my sisters and me. I never thought I had daddy issues. I have an absolutely amazing bonus dad that has been in my life since before I turned three.
But what I have come to know is that those times my biological father said he was coming to pick me up and didn’t show, and never having a relationship with the man that created you even though he lived less than 15 minutes away absolutely impacted my ability to love and value myself. The lack of self love led to deep feelings of unworthiness and poor self awareness.
THIS. This is why I was creating the storms. Running from pain I couldn’t identify the source of. And now that I knew, I couldn’t go back. There was no unknowing. The only way to heal it was to feel every ounce of it. The only way out was through. So I went in. As far back as I could remember, I went there.
I cried seven rivers worth of tears. I ached from the inside out. I fought. I froze. But I wouldn’t let myself run. Running meant that I was abandoning myself. I’d been doing that for years. It wasn’t the answer. It was the problem. So I pressed on. For months. During a global pandemic, virtual homeschooling, motherhood and working from home - I became addicted to healing myself. Because the work was mine to do. And I finally realized that I was worth it.
It became my season of rebirth.
A season of resilience, reversing, realigning, releasing, resetting, refreshing, restoring, reassuring, recalling, responding, reassessing, regaining, recharging, removing, relentlessness and rejoicing…
A season of setting my soul free.
The work is not done. It never is. We are meant to be ever expanding in love and peace and light. That can only truly be done through healing and evolving. Shedding and growing. Darkness and light.
This was the heartbeat of the 2021 Daniel Fast devotional.
If it resonated with you, I encourage you to keep going, keep healing, keep growing - you are worthy of the work.
To your journey, to your rebirth.
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